A new pic.

This is me and a few friends at the wedding I performed. It was a blast.

Rich Jandt Adventure #17

Punched in the face.

So I had an exciting week at work. In addition to regular work, I was assaulted on two different nights, both ending in charges being filed and people in jail.

The first one happened on 01/16/09. A woman was going to see a movie but forgot her ID. Since it is a bar and the movie started at 10:30PM it is 21 and over. She became unglued to reality and struck another employee in the head with a metal water bottle. We got her in a pair of handcuffs, but she slipped out and hit me in the mouth with a forearm. I was able to put her against the wall and re-attached the cuffs, this time very tightly. When the Police let her out of the cuffs, she attacked them, and had to be re-taken down. She was arrested on assault IV, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest.

The second time was on 1/21/09. We host free concerts every Wednesday and this week it was a very popular band. Well about 15 minutes into the concert we went over the room capacity and had to start a "one out one in rule". As soon as someone left I could let someone in. Well this one punk-ass asked if him and his crew mobbed me if they could get in sooner. I said that if I was mobbed they would get in, but he wouldn't. So he started going off on how he could take me, and my mom is this or that, and I let him know that I wouldn't let him in now because he was a jerk.

At this moment our outside security guard (who 4 days earlier had been hit in the head with a metal bottle) walked by and I asked for him to bounce the jerk. He obliged and 3 minutes later this punk kid comes running around the corner and Hail Mary punches me in the face. I had a fraction of a second to realize "I'm gettin punched in the face" and turned my head to the left, so I took the entire punch on the right cheek.

I saw stars and I do not remember the seconds that follow. The next thing I remember is tackling the jerk through the doorway of another bar. Being a large 300 pound man with the ability to run really fast when mad OR scared I hit him hard enough to take the door off it's hinges. Three other employees and I dragged him to the street and called the Police. During the wait this kid kept fighting as hard as he could and would not stay down. We tried arm bars, a leg bar, someone tried to get him into a figure 4, I grabbed his body and took him to the ground and just held him there. But at one point we had to pepper spray him, and my face was right next to his.

So I end up with a black eye, a lung full of pepper spray, a bent fingernail, and of course since I am not used to this much physical activity, a very sore body. He ended up with multiple contusions, a partially ripped out earring, a broken finger, and several assault/resisting charges. Now I need to figure out if I want to sue him or not.

Luke Skywalker called...

I think this is cool. A true cyborg. I want to get one with a knife attachment.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,481092,00.html

Here you go.

As promised, here is the picture of me as Santa.

I know I am immature, but this is funny.

Thanks again to James for telling me about failblog.org

Rich Jandt Adventure #16

For this story we need to go back about a week, to the night I performed the marriage.

Joel and Barb had come out for a few celebratory drinks, and I happily drove them home. (They have been putting me up for the past few weeks till I get my truck fixed).

I used to drive like a devil, but in my old age have started to drive like a grandma, never speed, never go through yellow lights, come to complete stops all of it. Well for some reason I took a left on a red light, down a road I don't usually go down anyway. Joel was complaining about my horrific driving when I almost hit what I think is a coyote.

Since it was 3AM I pulled over and went to look at the dog. It was small, grey, and a bobbed tail. It also had a horrible limp. Joel was walking fastly toward the dog which made it walk fastly away. I tricked it by hiding my approach behind a bus stop and was able to pick it up. It was very calm and did not try to bite me. I noticed it was bleeding from a rear paw, and we decided to take it home until we found the owner.

Well at home I noticed just how many celebratory drinks Joel and Barb had had, so I decided to join them and drank a few glasses of red wine. By the time we got the dog in the house, and fed it and examined the paw and gave it water I was feeling fairly celebratory myself.

It was at this time I decided to post a lost and found on craigslist. This is what came out.
Found elderly nice tempered dogFound on 27th heading north early on the 3rd of January.

Don't know, maybe mixed Aussie shep terrier something. Brown with white and dark spots. Fawn motif, Bobbed tail. Short legs. Someone elses guess was a cattle dog, and a third guess is it is husky like. But it is not husky like at all. Really short. almost a corgy face. Cant post picture due to intoxication.

Super nice demeanor, we will be taking care of it until owner calls.

About an hour later I remembered to go back and repost it with my name and number.

Rich Jandt Adventure #15

I was broke for most of my college experience. I sold plasma for extras like dating hot chicks and eating food not in the cafeteria.

I had asked a chick out that I really liked, and went to sell plasma in the afternoon for some cash. Selling plasma is a fairly easy way to make money. You sit in a chair and watch TV while a guy sticks you with a needle, and a machine draws out some blood, then separates the plasma out, then puts it back into your arm. Easy.

Well this time they forgot to attach the hose to the machine and after about 45 min. I looked over and saw about 3 pints of my blood on the front of the machine and in a huge pool on the floor. I freaked, the techs freaked, I got paid an extra $50 because they messed it up.

It would have been a great date if I had not had to stay an extra hour to fill out paper work, then ride the bus back to school. By the time I got back I was SO dizzy I could barely stand. I met the lady in the lower JC and she was pissed that I was late. She got over it when she found out that I sold my body just to go out with her, but I fell asleep like 5 times during the movie.

Honestly, I do not remember how the evening ended.

Rich Jandt Adventure #14

Speaking of broken noses...

I was hired to be a key note speaker for a youth rally in Alaska. I made some good friends in a short amount of time and was asked to go for a walk by a couple of attractive young ladies. A friend of mine was dating one of the girls and I had been flirting with the other one for a week.

It was a very romantic setting. A dark night, around a frozen lake during a light snow. As happens when young people have trouble communicating, things turn physical and a snowball fight ensued. Unlike running, I am actually a fairly decent thrower. I made the perfect snowball to trow a long way, it was tightly packed, a little smaller than my palms, and completely round.

My intended target was around 100 feet away, and I wound up like I was a MLB pitcher and threw as hard as I could. My male friend popped up right at that moment three feet in front of me and caught said snowball right in the bridge of his nose. As stated before, I am not a medical professional, but he is. A medic in the armed forces to be exact.

First thing out of his mouth was "Why did you break my nose?". Pure and utter terror surrounded me and while I would usually run away, there was no where for me to go. The girls called me a jerk, and he was all pissed at me, and I couldn't explain myself.

Yeah, haven't talked to any of them ever again.

Rich Jandt Adventure #13

I wasn't always single, and at one time had a very active dating life. These next few posts will highlight some of my more humorous dates. To protect the innocent, I will not use names of the women I offended/injured on the encounters.

I don't know if you have ever been asked to do something you hate, but do it because you want to eventually kiss a hot chick.

There was this vary attractive red head. She was athletic, and hot and I was nervous to even speak to her. One day she walked through the men's lobby to ask me if I wanted to go on a run with her. We only ran one lap around the campus, from the lobby to Stark, up to 91st, back to Burnside and ending at her dorms. At the end of the run I asked her if she wanted to go to a movie sometime, and she said yes and walked up the steps.

I walked around the corner and fell to the ground gasping for breath. Completely seeing red spots and out of breath, full blown asthma attack. I was out of breath by the time we hit Stark, I only kept it up to ask her out at the end. Best/worst part was she walked around the corner while I was laying in the dirt to ask me when we would go out.

A week later we went out to watch "I know what you did last summer". I hate scary movies, I am a very big wuss. While she would cover her face with her hands during scary parts, I was pretending to be macho and would just flex and do my best not to jump. At the very end of the movie I inadvertently jumped and threw an elbow to her hands, covering her nose. I am not a medical professional, but I believe her nose was broken. A large amount of blood was pouring from her face.

Awesome. No second date here.

Congrats.

This morning I performed my first marriage.

My really good friends Joel and Barb asked me to do the honors of joining them as husband and wife.

It was actually really easy. The only real work was signing a form for the county.

Well that and the 5 years of college.